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After experiencing a miscarriage, then dealing with infertility for close to 5 years my husband and I were ecstatic to find out I was pregnant after our first round of IVF. We went to our first ultrasound hoping that we would see a heart beat and be reassured that we had a viable pregnancy. That ultrasound brought us the greatest surprise of our lives, we didn't see one heartbeat, we saw three. We found out we were expecting triplets! We were shocked and pretty scared at that point. Soon that shock became joy as we prepared to welcome our trio.
At 10 weeks the doctor saw extra fluid on our baby A's neck. We went to a Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor at week 13 and he didn't see anything abnormal. He reassured us that the previous ultrasound tech had made a mistake. We had to see a doctor bi weekly because my pregnancy was considered high risk, but things were going fairly well. At 20 weeks we had the anatomy scan and they saw that Baby A (Savannah) had a congenital heart disorder. We were referred to a pediatric cardiologist who confirmed, a few weeks later that Savannah had Tetrollogy of Fallot and an AV canal defect. The doctors seemed optimistic that they would be able to repair her heart. One week later, at 24 weeks 3 days I went into labor and was transferred, by helicopter, to a hospital with a level 4 NICU. They were able to get my contractions to stop and I spent the next 7 weeks 2 days on hospital bed rest.
On the morning of January 8th, 2015 my water broke for Baby A (Savannah). I was 31 weeks 5 days. The doctors tried to stop my labor so they could give me more steroid shots, to help the girls develop, but this time they were unsuccessful. We were blessed with three girls Savannah, Paige, and Emma at 12:35 pm, 12:36 pm, and 12:37 pm, on my mom's birthday. Our girls were rushed away to the NICU immediately. Paige had to be intubated, Savannah had a c-pap, and Emma was breathing room air. I was brought to the NICU in my bed to see the girls as soon as I was out of the recovery room. My three beautiful babies were hooked up to all kinds of machines. It was a really stressful time, but we were so in love with our three beauties. I never imagined that anything could go wrong.
Savannah had her first surgery when she 4 days old, then a second surgery when she was 6 days old. The first surgery went well, but in the next day the doctors determined that she needed to have a stent placed in the cath lab. On January 14th, 2015 she went to the cath lab to have her stent placed. She crashed after they placed the stent and after 30 minutes of trying to bring her back her she was pronounced dead. This was the day that my heart was shattered into a million pieces and I didn't know how I would survive. I didn't understand how someone could experience such happiness mixed with such overwhelming sorrow. We never got to hold Savannah until she had passed away. We were able to spend time with her then, just holding her, looking at her beautiful face, and talking to her. We promised her that we would take good care of her sister's and that we would always love her. We planned Savannah's funeral service and buried her on January 24th while our other girls were still fighting for their lives in the NICU.
On the day of Savannah's funeral Paige was diagnosed with Necrotizing Enterocolitis (NEC). I knew how serious this was and I was so fearful that I was going to lose another one of my babies. Paige had all her feedings stopped and she was carefully watched. Thankfully she never had to have surgery and her bowels healed on their own. Emma did very well in the NICU and was able to come home on Feburary 11th. We called her our preemie rockstar. Paige had a few more ups and downs, but she joined us at home on March 3rd, four days before her 40 weeks due date. Today both Paige and Emma are healthy and growing. I have more love in my heart for my three little girls than I ever thought possible. We have hard days and weeks, but we get through them as a family. I often struggle when I think about what it would be like to have all three of our girls here with us. I also struggle with the fact that I am a triplet mom even though I only have two of my girls in my arms.
There will always be a missing piece in our family since we lost Savannah. I will be forever grateful to her for making me a mother. I believe that Savannah was given to us to help us recognize the beauty that we have here on Earth. We have met so many amazing and inspiring people on our journey and I believe that Savannah made that possible. I want to keep Savannah's memory alive by helping other families experiencing a NICU stay and/or child loss. No matter how short Savannah's life was, she touched the world for all eternity.
Little Snowdrop - Author Unknown
The world may never notice
If a Snowdrop doesn't bloom,
Or even pause to wonder
If the petals fall too soon.
But every life that ever forms,
Or ever comes to be,
Touches the world in some small way
For all eternity.
The little one we longed for
Was swiftly here and gone.
But the love that was then planted
Is a light that still shines on.
And though our arms are empty,
Our hearts know what to do.
For every beating of our hearts
Says that we love you.